Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
