OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
