How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
