Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
