i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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