a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
and you fell through a lawn chair
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
