Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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