I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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