Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
