He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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