Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
