You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
