She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I want a musical about memes.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
