never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
