So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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