HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize