my being single is dangerous.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
