I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
