If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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