you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
