I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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