I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
