During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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