I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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