Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
