ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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