all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
