I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
