we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
