good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
