Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Screwed.edu
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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