she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
it was like eating out sand paper
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?