woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across