she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(