Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
