that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain