Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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