Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
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Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
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Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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