Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
