Your tits are I can't wait for
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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