i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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