I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
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