i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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