i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
