I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
