i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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