There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
