Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
