Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
