In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize