Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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