So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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