Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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