carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
