..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
