But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
