she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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