TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
