i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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