Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
