3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
