So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
