I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
