final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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